


Venting to the internet about stuff people don't give a crap about

by Goldendrag



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Real Life, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27611086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldendrag/pseuds/Goldendrag
Summary: Me venting about life and how its treated me. I haven’t had the worst life, yet it hasn’t been the greatest.





	1. Today 11/17/2020

Hello.

I feel like if i tried to ask for help, i would be instantly shot down.

I’d be told to shut up, and be grateful 

Be told that I never know when to stop talking

”You never know when to shut your big mouth, do you? Always getting yourself in trouble!”

Like they’re not the ones punishing me.

Not the ones making me in trouble.

I’ve tried so many times to pour my heart out, but it just sounded generic

Not enough to describe 

Always lacking

Like in school.

I can never focus. I _really_ don’t know why.

They ridicule me. Tell me I don’t try.

But never tell me why.

I ask them for help sometimes

When i’m not shaking in fear for the outcome.

They do “help” me, if screaming in your face is helping.

“I CAN’T HELP YOU IF YOU WON’T LISTEN!”

They say as I ask how they got that answer. 

or- “I don’t know how to help you! Go ask your teacher.”

They say when I told them that the teacher said to figure it out yourself.

It’s like I never do anything right. Always one little detail off. 

I’m always so conflicted with what i should do.

”Theres nothing to lose!” I say to myself as I have a nice house with clothes, food, water, money, and extra unnecessary items.

I’m sure people who are barely getting through the week would have more inner turmoil than me.

* * *

I’m always running my mouth right?

But when I’m not-“Well _why_ didn’t you say anything?”

Maybe because I was scared.

Scared for what you would say.

Scared for the consequences.

Isn’t that what I always get?

I stay silent so I don’t get involved. 

One day, I’m going to burst.

When that day comes, I don’t want you to say that you didn’t see it coming.


	2. To the best grandma ever, lots of love- K.W

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mom won't STFU about her problems. She is an adult. She can get help unlike me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nani means Grandmother in Indian. (I'm not Indian, my grandmother married a guy from India)

* * *

Dear Nani, please come get your daughter!

She is being unbelievably unreasonable.

I understand that she is going through a rough time, but literally, everyone else is too.

Especially me.

She keeps saying she doesn't care, then monitors everything she can without being called a psycho.

"I want the best for you!", she says as she puts me through emotional abuse.

I'm seriously considering starving myself because food is the only thing she doesn't monitor.

Nani, you better haunt her or something, because soon she'll be meeting you.

R.I.P Nani.

I won't be able to control myself. It's either I go, they go, or we all go.

The only reason she puts up with me is that she legally has to, she said so herself.

She wanted to send me to a boarding school in fourth grade Nani.

I know that that was when you were in the hospital, but I wish you could've told her to stop and get help.

I wish you never died. Things would be so much easier, but I guess we never get our way, do we?

You were the only person that was there for every big event of my life. 

You motivated me to be a good person.

I loved you.

You left me.

You left me for some surgery that went bad.

I wish I could hear your voice say that you love me.

I don't even remember what you look like. Isn't that crazy?

It's like my mind blocked out every picture and memory of your face.

I only remember your voice.

Your sweet, black, southern grandma voice.

You never truly got mad at me, and if you did, it lasted an hour at most.

I love you.

You'll never know how much I really love you. 

And I'll never get to tell you.

I'm sorry for how rude I was to you in 2014. I know It's been quite a while, but I just wanted to get that off my chest.

I love you more than I love my parents. 

I know that that's not a good comparison since I hate them, but let's say it's how much I loved them when I was 5.

I really want to be 5 again.

I had a good life and was oblivious to the world around me.

It was just about me, my family, and my friends.

I loved everything.

I miss everything.

I miss you.

( A picture I took of Yosemite in the 2018 winter. Sorry if the picture is too big. I love you. Don't be like me.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This went from an angry rant to depressing real quick. Sorry if I triggered anyone. I write how I really feel.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn’t check to see if my grammar or spelling was correct. Please tell me if there’s a part that’s not correct.


End file.
